assorted inspiration for the craziest week.

You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love. 

-Jim Carey

It was you who opened up springs and streams;

you dried up the ever-flowing rivers.

The day is yours, and yours also the night;

you established the sun and moon.

It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth;

you made both summer and winter.

-Psalm 74

Great people do things before they're ready. They do things before they know they can do it... Doing what you're afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that- that is what life is. You might be really good. You might find out something about yourself that's really special and if you're not good, who cares? You tried something. Now you know something about yourself.

-Amy Poehler, my soul sister.

In between goals, there is a thing called life, that has to be lived in and enjoyed.

-sid ceaser

there's a lot to be overwhelmed by so I'm going to write a list now of all the awesome stuff going on here. 

*found the cheapest yummiest whole bean coffee. 

*drinking it now. (who cares if it takes me 4 hours to finish one cup? I WILL FINISH IT.)

*made my own saltwater spray for my hair. never washing my hair again. turning into a mermaid slowly. 

*have not yet misplaced anything major in the move. (don't ask me whether i've misplaced anything minor)

*it is still summer, and i love summer. give me all the warm weather. 

*we are all healthy and safe. this is not a given, this is a gift. 

*there is grace for me when I fail at all the stuff I need to do, because I'm not going to get it all done. 

manifesto

Summer 2014 manifesto: a declaring of intentions. 

I will walk outside, feel the sun on my face, and remember that this is my favorite time of year. 

I will sit outside on our dirty picnic blanket and point at dogs with Eliza,

go on long walks to see things and point at more things. 

If at all possible, we will not drive someplace if we can walk there. 

I will be laid back about lots of things, but not about sunscreen and hats.

I will pare down our stuff, remembering that life isn't about stuff. 

I will be organized about this move, because ohmygoodness unpacking when you haven't been organized is the worst.

I will enjoy our new deck and our new backyard and my people even when the inside of the new house is a mess. 

I will give a million kisses to that little chicken I have.

I will hold Greg's hand and argue with him about sunscreen.

I will show Eliza the ocean and the sand and the boardwalk and I will let her eat cake and icecream. 

I will use technology as a good servant and avoid it when it is becoming my master.

I will remember it is my job to pursue my calling, and only my calling, and not anyone else's. 

I will make corn on the cob. 

I will live with less stuff in my closet (and more organized in storage?). 

I will wear lipstick whenever I feel like it. It reminds me of my mom and I like it with a tan. 

I will try to remember to whom I belong, who I'm trying to please, and who's in charge. 

Busy

"It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are we busy about?"
-Thoreau


I read a post by the minimalists this morning that spoke of the author's distaste for the word "busy". He prefers "focused."

I would tend to agree- ideally, I would be able to pick only a few things, devote my life to them whole- heartedly, give myself to them fully. And by things I mean- goals, activities. There is a difference between your schedule being full and being "busy."

Reading along, I nodded and hmm'd. I felt agreement in my heart but also the pain of dissonance with my own life. You know that feeling? It's "YES, YES, YES, that is what I want! Wait.... How?"

I like a full schedule- I always have. I'm not afraid to relax, I like doing things, working on things. 

Before I had Eliza, I was doing a lot. Mostly, I loved it. Being sick with her made things less pleasant. But I knew I needed a season of rest after she came to just be her mama. Not because I think that's the RIGHT THING TO DO for all people, but because I needed it. I needed to figure out what I was busy about. What my goals were, what life looked like as a mama, what life looked like as a graduate.


Now, ten months after she was born, I can tell you my schedule is just as full as it was before. Everyone has the same amount of time in the day- playing is part of that, washing dishes is part of that, being consistently buried in a pile of dress shirts to iron is part of that. Right now, I'm home, so I do a lot of "home stuff." I call to pay bills, I maintain our relationship with our landlord, I am the Ralph family social secretary and master scheduler.


I sign emails like this:

Mary Ralph
CEO: Ralph Domestic Affairs
M.A. Christian Counseling


LOL.


I'm getting off topic. Anyway- the point is, if I was to ascribe to the minimalists point of view- to be focused, not to be busy, I'm sort of maxed out.,


My focuses would be : Greg Ralph, Eliza Ralph, assorted playdates and meals.


Honestly- in terms of how much effort and time goes into those things, I could easily pour myself into them completely and do my best and be "focused".



But being focused is sort of a single girl's game. At least, it is in the way I read about it this morning.


If and when I add more "stuff" to the schedule, it likely will not fall under those categories. It will be work or school or painting or trying to write more. It will be a stretching of myself and my schedule, and likely my family. I will need help. I will not always be capable in and of myself to be focused.


I'm good with that. I like the clean lines of "focused," but I live in the blurry lines and gray area of something else. It's not that I want to be busy, per se, I just think it might be impossible for me as a mama and a wife and a person who feels called to (additional) things to be beautifully and minimally focused.


It's more likely that I'll be radically challenged by the messy busy-ness of my life and that I will need to fall hard on the help of other people and the grace of my God.

I guess what I'm getting at is that being "focused" in my sinful mind sort of equates to "able to do it by myself because it's within the realm of what I'm currently capable of." And I'm not so sure I want to live there.


Boundaries are good and so is taking care of yourself. And I'm super duper not arguing that.


But my life is full and will probably get fuller, and so I'm sort of abandoning that pretty and pristine focusedness for the quote above. Because I agree that it's not enough to be busy.


what am i busy about?


Is my busy-ness purposed? Is my busy-ness glorying in my weakness so that Christ's strength is evident and visible? Is my busy-ness honest? (About when I need help and when I need a break and when I need a pep talk?)




I want to busy about the work of the kingdom, about God's calling on my life, about the Church, about my family's peace and communication and sweetness. I want to be busy about enjoying God's gifts, and (hopefully even more) enjoying the Giver.



That's all. I guess I'm back to blogging?