"It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are we busy about?"
-Thoreau
I read a post by the minimalists this morning that spoke of the author's distaste for the word "busy". He prefers "focused."
I would tend to agree- ideally, I would be able to pick only a few things, devote my life to them whole- heartedly, give myself to them fully. And by things I mean- goals, activities. There is a difference between your schedule being full and being "busy."
Reading along, I nodded and hmm'd. I felt agreement in my heart but also the pain of dissonance with my own life. You know that feeling? It's "YES, YES, YES, that is what I want! Wait.... How?"
I like a full schedule- I always have. I'm not afraid to relax, I like doing things, working on things.
Before I had Eliza, I was doing a lot. Mostly, I loved it. Being sick with her made things less pleasant. But I knew I needed a season of rest after she came to just be her mama. Not because I think that's the RIGHT THING TO DO for all people, but because I needed it. I needed to figure out what I was busy about. What my goals were, what life looked like as a mama, what life looked like as a graduate.
Now, ten months after she was born, I can tell you my schedule is just as full as it was before. Everyone has the same amount of time in the day- playing is part of that, washing dishes is part of that, being consistently buried in a pile of dress shirts to iron is part of that. Right now, I'm home, so I do a lot of "home stuff." I call to pay bills, I maintain our relationship with our landlord, I am the Ralph family social secretary and master scheduler.
I sign emails like this:
Mary Ralph
CEO: Ralph Domestic Affairs
M.A. Christian Counseling
LOL.
I'm getting off topic. Anyway- the point is, if I was to ascribe to the minimalists point of view- to be focused, not to be busy, I'm sort of maxed out.,
My focuses would be : Greg Ralph, Eliza Ralph, assorted playdates and meals.
Honestly- in terms of how much effort and time goes into those things, I could easily pour myself into them completely and do my best and be "focused".
But being focused is sort of a single girl's game. At least, it is in the way I read about it this morning.
If and when I add more "stuff" to the schedule, it likely will not fall under those categories. It will be work or school or painting or trying to write more. It will be a stretching of myself and my schedule, and likely my family. I will need help. I will not always be capable in and of myself to be focused.
I'm good with that. I like the clean lines of "focused," but I live in the blurry lines and gray area of something else. It's not that I want to be busy, per se, I just think it might be impossible for me as a mama and a wife and a person who feels called to (additional) things to be beautifully and minimally focused.
It's more likely that I'll be radically challenged by the messy busy-ness of my life and that I will need to fall hard on the help of other people and the grace of my God.
I guess what I'm getting at is that being "focused" in my sinful mind sort of equates to "able to do it by myself because it's within the realm of what I'm currently capable of." And I'm not so sure I want to live there.
Boundaries are good and so is taking care of yourself. And I'm super duper not arguing that.
But my life is full and will probably get fuller, and so I'm sort of abandoning that pretty and pristine focusedness for the quote above. Because I agree that it's not enough to be busy.
what am i busy about?
Is my busy-ness purposed? Is my busy-ness glorying in my weakness so that Christ's strength is evident and visible? Is my busy-ness honest? (About when I need help and when I need a break and when I need a pep talk?)
I want to busy about the work of the kingdom, about God's calling on my life, about the Church, about my family's peace and communication and sweetness. I want to be busy about enjoying God's gifts, and (hopefully even more) enjoying the Giver.
That's all. I guess I'm back to blogging?
